so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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