One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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