We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
