Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
