My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
