I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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