Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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