The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
