should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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