totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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