best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
