Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
