you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
