she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
