im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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