as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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