belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
