I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
