No awkward lesbian experiences without me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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