Where did you get a picture of my penis
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i think i just lost a toe
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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