Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
