Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
