my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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