I want to walk on stilts...naked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
