I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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