He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
