I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
