I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
