I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
