Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
