I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
