Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
