i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could make wine with my vomit
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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