I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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