she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
