why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
