is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
