If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
