Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
