When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
