also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
