Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
