so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
