small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
