I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
