i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
