so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
