What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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