Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
