i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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