...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
