He felt like a one man threesome
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
